Lisa Virtue:

Hi, Deborah. Thank you so much for being here to chat with me today about loss and overcoming loss, especially when it comes to jobs. We know a lot of people are in the midst of layoffs or are in a transitionary state in their life, and it can be a very overwhelming time when it's our livelihood. It can be devastating mentally, etcetera. So I just really appreciate you being here to share your story and give the listeners some glimmers of hope as well. So why don't we start with you telling me a little bit about your journey of when it comes to job loss and your family and the experience you had and then go into how you became a coach.

Deborah Bigda:

Okay. Well, thank you so much. So, yes, I very much love to be able to talk to people about job loss because it's can be, your job is so much a part of your identity that when it is lost and even, especially, like, through no fault of your own, it just feels like you've lost everything. And you can kind of wander around very like. Like a lost puppy, if you will, and it's hard to focus. And you start to question, like, what did I do? What's wrong with me? And I know this very well and intimately because I've watched my husband go through that. So I, you know, I was a stay at home mom. I worked in the career, the corporate world for many, many years.

But when we had children, I decided to stay home and homeschool our children. And so my husband was the primary breadwinner. And in the January of 2008, before we knew that the recession was coming, like, say sometimes things happen and you don't really know, like, you're on the forefront of, like, you know, a major recession. My husband lost his job. There was a major layoff, and he lost his job in January. In 2008. February of 2008, we had a tornado hit our property. And while our house was okay, everything on our property was destroyed.

And that's when you find out that homeowners insurance does not cover any of that kind of damage. So we were faced with, like, over $10,000 worth of damage and no job. And then the following month, we had a health diagnosis, which required surgery and a lot of procedures, and we had no health insurance at that point. And so again, it was more out of pocket expenses. And so I really understand, like, what it's like you've lost your job, and now you're going on this journey where literally it feels like the punches just keep coming. And you sit there and you wonder, like, okay, one, like, what have we done wrong, right? Deserve this, right? Like, you feel like somehow you must have done something wrong in order to deserve the bad things happening to you. And my husband actually looked for a job for almost two years of going on interviews, being told, we absolutely want you. We are calling you tomorrow with an offer.

And tomorrow would come. And every single time, it was the same answer. It was, we are so sorry, but this job has been frozen. Literally less than 24 hours ago, the job was available, and you were telling me I was perfect, and now it's frozen. Like, how does that keep happening? And so the. The struggle of, um, one him as the breadwinner and the provider, right? Like, you're the provider of the house. Um, you're the husband. But then as the spouse, when you're watching that happen to your loved one, it's very hard because they go.

They're going through their own journey, but you are going through your own journey as well. So I will just tell you, like, we. Gosh, it was in July of 2008, so it was about seven months in to the journey. And he comes to me one day, and he's like, Deb. He's like, what is wrong with me? He's, like, literally, physically looking at his body, he's like, what is wrong with me? Nobody will hire me. Like, what is wrong? Like, I've turned everything over to God. Because at this point, like, you know, when you suddenly have all this free time on your hands, all the things that you said that you were too busy for, like, going on church retreats or weekly Bible studies, like, we were doing, because being busy was no longer an excuse that we had. And it felt good to fill that with, like, going.

We always went to church all the time anyways. But to be able to kind of do something just a little extra just helped with that hope and maintaining that faith. And I just looked at him, and for us personally, we practice natural family planning. And so I looked at him, I was like, well, baby, you know, we've turned everything over to God but one thing, and that's our fertility. And, like, we've maintained total control of that because it seemed to make perfect sense, right? Like, a good time to get pregnant might not be when you're unemployed, which never. But he kind of stopped asking. And lo and behold, about three months later or four months later, we ended up pregnant. A lot of people really questioned us for that, and that was really hard.

Like, they were like, you do know how you could have prevented that, right? I was just like, oh, my gosh. And so he was sure. He was absolutely certain. In his mind, he's like, okay, nine months. I will absolutely have a job in nine months. And I was not too worried about it. I was like, yeah, nine months is a long time. Well, nine months came and went, and we had that baby, and he still had no job.

And it was at that point that he slipped into a really, really deep, dark place. I remember coming home from the hospital, and it literally, he drove me home. And mind you, when I say these things, it is no judgment of him. I am just talking about, like, the emotions of what happened. But he drove me home, I think literally because the hospital required it, because I think if the hospital had not required somebody to drive me home, he probably would have just been like, okay, baby, drive yourself home. He was on the phone on an interview, and I had had a really, really fast pregnancy, and so I was in a lot of pain. I had that baby in under 20 minutes from first contraction to delivery. So I was in a lot of severe pain in my back.

My son was at home. He was at the time, probably ten, with some sort of major infection on his toe that I had somehow, like, not even notice. His toe was, like, three times the size. And we get home, and my husband just went to the bedroom and, like, put himself to bed. And I called my chiropractor, and I was like, I need to come in. I am in so much pain, I cannot even move. And I walked in, and I literally had a nervous breakdown. I just lost it, like, holding it all in.

At that point, it had been almost 19 months, and holding it all in, it just. It just finally, like, unraveled. And the poor guy, I felt so sorry.

Lisa Virtue:

Like, it always happens when we don't expect it, right? To some random person.

Deborah Bigda:

He's like, sure, come on in. I'll see you. And, like, I walk in, he's like, oh, my gosh. Was not prepared for this. He ended up calling my mother because he's like, I cannot let you drive home. You're in no state to drive home. So he called my mother. My mother and sister drove over, picked me up.

One drove me home, one drove the other car home. The next day, I'm literally at the podiatrist with my son and his foot getting, like, procedures done on his toe. And it was probably about six weeks of really, really dark depression for my husband, where he had a really hard time getting up out of bed and feeling motivated, because at that point, it felt like he tried everything. Like, he even tried, like, going to get like, retail jobs or you're overqualified for this, you know, and the jobs that you're qualified for, nobody seems to be hiring. And so I tell people, like, there were certain things that we did during that time period to try to help us maintain the hope and maintain the marriage and maintain, like, family life without making the kids freak out, you know, because you don't want to project for fear and worry onto your children.

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah.

Deborah Bigda:

And so some of the things that we did is, one is we just kept moving. So as soon as he lost his job, one of the first things I did is I looked at all of our expenses, and I just started slashing everything I possibly could, the cable bill. And back then, cable was still a pretty big thing. These days. You know, lots of people could probably cancel cable enough. Right now.

Lisa Virtue:

It's streaming services. Yes. Do I really need Netflix? They keep raising their prices.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly. So we just started slashing things. But the one thing we did not slash was a membership to our gym. And I'll be honest with you, Lisa, that was not a very inexpensive, I think it was about $130 a month, which at the time, kind of pricey, but it was a way that my husband was able to, like, get the stress out.

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah.

Deborah Bigda:

So movement is so important. And maybe you don't have a gym by you. Maybe you really just can't afford that $130. But you could go outside and walk now. You could dance like a wild person. Like, it doesn't even have to be formal exercise, like turn on music, but do something physical every day. It is so important, like, emotionally and mentally. The other thing we did is we really kept our sense of humor, or we tried to.

So when the tornado destroyed our property, it was really funny because it knocked down everything except the gate to our fence that was super sturdy. And we would tease because we had two dogs at the time, and we would tease, hey, if you let the dogs out, make sure that you close the gate so the dogs can't get out of the backyard. No offense to keep, but it was something, like, stupid and funny. And we would laugh at it. Like, the jokes just never got old. I'm sure many other people would have been like, hey, you've told that joke, like, a hundred times. It's kind of old, but we would laugh every time. And so just trying to have some type of sense of humor, because there is always, I tell people, no matter how difficult your challenge is, there is always something, something you can find to be positive about, even if that something is, I get to spend more time with my family.

Or I now, like, for people that have maybe like some sort of major accident or something and somebody's in the hospital, like, I now realize the value of life, you know? So sometimes the lessons that we, or the blessings that we get may seem really like, okay, I'm really reaching Deb for this blessing. Like, you know, whatever it is, like, I get to spend more time with my family, like, and the bills keep mounting and, you know, like, how is that a blessing? But when you focus on the positives, there's a saying that, like, what you focus on grows. So if we're going to focus on the negatives, we're going to focus on the fact that we don't have a job. We're going to focus on the fact that how we're going to pay for the utilities next month. How are we going to pay for this? All of those worries, they grow. Or we can focus on the fact that, hey, we're spending time with my kids. My husband was fishing with his father, you know, coaching baseball for my boys. So we had four kids.

And the summers I did end up going to take a tutoring job and I worked like nine to twelve because I told my husband, like, your job, your full time job is looking for a job. So to some extent, we didn't necessarily want him working like a 30 or 40 hours, like, retail job. He did try. He couldn't even get one. But there was also a part of me that was like, you know, it's okay because then what happens when you get that, like last minute, hey, can you hop on the call? Can you come in for an interview? I'm like, right then you're like, having to jostle it all around. So when my kids did not know, like, my kids were so young that some of them didn't even know, like, that a daddy might go to work. So when eventually got a job almost two years later and went back to work, there was this huge withdrawal process, I bet. And even for me, a husband, because while he was so grateful to have a job, he suddenly realized what he was missing by being at work every day because he'd spent so much time, you know, with our children, maintaining faith, you know, like us going to the different Bible studies or the retreats, like, that was really, really important for us as well.

And two other things I'll tell people is one is don't be too proud to ask for help. We had a couple of months where we, we were very blessed. We had a good amount of money in savings. We've always lived below our means, and so we had a lot of money in savings. And so in the beginning, I literally was like, okay, let's see how far we can stretch every penny that we have between cutting bills and what you got for severance and unemployment and our savings. Let's see, like, how long can we make this stretch? But as it got closer to the end, there were times where I was just like, okay, I really don't know how we're going to pay for next month's expenses. And so we have an organization through our church. It's called St.

Vincent de Paul. And I told my husband, like, I really think we might need to ask St. Vincent de Paul for help. And he was like, I'm not doing that. Like, one, it was pride. And two, in some ways, he was like, there are other people that need more help than we do. You know, like, people at the time were losing their houses, they were losing their cars. We.

That had not happened to us. And so in his mind, he was like, there are other people that need more help than us. And I was like, that is true. But they literally go through a process of asking you questions. And so if we go through that process and they say that they can help pay the water bill, then, like, let's go ahead and let them. And when we're back on our feet again, like, we will pay it forward ten times over. And so we did get assistance on some of our utility bills for, I think, about two months. So not being too proud.

And we also went to the food pantry, which I will tell you, Lisa, was beyond humbling experience for me. I went in. I remember I went in, I had all my children with me. And that, you know, it's mostly, like, older people that are working in the food pantry, and they were so excited to see the little kids are like, oh, here, look, like, here's a little baggie. Like, get the food you want. And, like, my kids are, like, grabbing. And I was like, just get, like, two things. Like, that's it.

Like, you know, and I was kept whispering to, like, don't. Don't take that. Like, we already have. And the ladies, we're like, just let them take what they want to take. It's okay. So we ended up walking out with, like, probably three or four bags full of food. And I think we went there twice. And so it just.

It was so humbling to me to have to, like, ask for that kind of help, because that, to me, was something like, it's not again, not something that people do, like, because you've done something wrong. But we've just never had to ask for help. So I just tell people, do not be too proud to ask for help.

Lisa Virtue:

Absolutely. And remembering, like, there's a reason these. These things are in place. There's a reason people, you know, it's. Fortunately for you, it was a temporary situation. Typically, that is the intent, is that we fall down on our luck, and that's why our community is there to lift us up. And. Yeah, I'm glad that your children got to see that, too.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes. Right.

Lisa Virtue:

They got to see that people do support and pay it forward in their own way someday, I'm sure.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah, yeah. No, and so it's been neat. One of my boys has worked at the food pantry at our church a couple of times. He was way too little at the time. He was not even two years old, so he would not necessarily really remember, but he's been able to work that. And we, every day, every week when we go to church now, my husband, like, he has literally kept his word. Every week we take to the food pantry, you know, all these years later. But it's literally his way of just paying it forward.

And so one day you can pay it forward, you know, and. And maybe not in that way, maybe in some other way, but just never be too proud to ask for help.

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah, I love that. And back to talking about your faith, too. I know listeners of all different faiths and backgrounds listen to this podcast, and I think what you're hitting on is it doesn't have to be necessarily a spiritual faith if that is not what you're drawn to, but something that keeps your spirit up.

Deborah Bigda:

Right.

Lisa Virtue:

Something that. And I know some people in my world, it's maybe talking philosophy with other people and being able to kind of itch that, like, scratch that itch that you have. We all have as human beings where we are very complex creatures and we need to be thinking deeper than just the day to day.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes.

Lisa Virtue:

So finding that for yourself and finding community absolutely. Is crucial to get through these times.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

Lisa Virtue:

Wonderful tips. So, Deborah, you had to, you were a mother of four. You got pregnant during this time. You were watching your husband that you adored and was a true partner with go through just a critical time in your marriage. I'm sure that was hard, too. And then taking on jobs as you're the primary homeschooler, and then taking on jobs to help supplement income and being a support to everyone. Not surprised that you had a nervous breakdown at one point. I'm glad that you got through that, too.

So as far as, like, your self care during that time, for all the women listening, I would love to hear because, you know, or the feminine drawn one, you don't have to be a woman to be more that feminine caretaker. It's just very stereotypical that we are. What would be your recommendation when you're in that caregiving situation and you just feel like so much is out of your control and you're trying to support everyone else, yet you need to look at yourself, too. What would be your advice there now.

Deborah Bigda:

That is so good because it is so easy for us to put ourselves on the back burner and take care of everybody else. And what I would say is you just, you need to have some sort of routine, you know, where you have a little bit of time. And so movement, again, is so important, you know, as the caretaker of everybody having that, just, even if it's just ten minutes a day of quiet time, whether you enjoy reading a book, some sort of meditation, some sort of stretching, you know, whatever it is, devotionals, just journaling. I will tell you, journaling is so incredibly powerful. And I tell people all the time, I'm like, there is a big difference between, like, thinking things through in your head and, like, talking things out and literally writing them down on paper. Because when you allow yourself to start writing stuff down on paper, and sometimes, like, I've even had people say, okay, my journal is literally scribble scratch today. Like, taking a pen and just like, yeah, like a child in the temper tantrum, just drawing scribbles all over the page. But there is a release that happens when you do that.

And then if you're able to journal and you can just, even if it's in the beginning, like, just asking yourself questions. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I'm so frustrated and angry right now, you know, and I don't know why. And as you start to write, literally, the answers will come to you or feelings that you never even imagined will start to come out as you journal. So I tell women all the time, please, just journal. Don't do it in your head. It's completely different. And movement and finding somebody that you can, you know, that you can confide in.

So, like, we went to, like, a men's retreat and a women's retreat, and then I followed up with each followed up with weekly meetings afterwards. So having a group of women that I was able to just confide in at times, just talk to, to say, like, I'm scared. Like, I'm not going to necessarily tell my husband that. Right. And it's not that I wasn't being truthful with him, but sometimes you want to go to somebody and say, I'm a little nervous. I'm kind of scared. I'm not really sure what's going to happen. And you're wanting somebody to help you be like, it's going to be okay.

And you might not necessarily get that with your partner. So I love my husband very much, but he'll even be the first to tell you he's the worrywart in our family. So a lot of times we'll even joke. I'm like, hey, I don't need to worry about a thing because you'll worry about it for the both of us, right?

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah. You don't want to feed the worry when you're having.

Deborah Bigda:

Right. So I would have to always try to be the strong one, but there were times where I was kind of freaking out and I would be like, okay, I know it's going to be okay, but you're still human. The human flesh still gets worried. Even if you know that it's going to be okay, you still have that worry. So surrounding yourself with people and taking time for yourself would be a couple of things that definitely, I would say you need to do as a caretaker.

Lisa Virtue:

Totally agree. And I love free form journaling. I have a lot of clients that will say, oh, I'm not a journaler. Like, perfect. This is the best time to just go write something down and not judge what you're writing. When you do it non judgmentally, it's fascinating what can pop up for you on the page. Right. And where it ends up going is where you need to explore more.

So I'm a huge proponent of that, too. Yeah. Okay, so how did you become a career or coach? How did you become a coach?

Deborah Bigda:

Deborah, that is a really interesting question. So, one, I've always loved helping people, and I teased, obviously, and, like, I've kind of actually coached almost my entire life because as I was homeschooling, like, I was coaching moms, you know, new moms would come in with their little ones and I would be like, hey, it's okay. Like, you know, don't worry about this. Or you have the moms with the older kids that maybe aren't quite learning and they're freaking out. Do they have a learning disability? I'm like, hey, you know what? Everybody, everybody develops at their own ages. And so I really just always had this tendency to want to help people, but it was probably about eight years ago we had kind of a little bit of a health crisis with my youngest son. And, you know, sometimes you go to the doctor and they keep telling you there's nothing wrong, and you're just like, I know there's something wrong. And you go.

And for years, we were doing this with my son, and it kind of came to a head. We ended up at the hospital on a vacation, and they basically just told us we were going to have to give him, you know, like, over the counter stuff for the rest of his life. And I was just like, okay, that's just not really what I want to do. And I started digging in, and basically I found, like, gut health was the source of his issue. But it took me a long time to find the right gut health regimen because they're not all equal. And that sent me on a journey when I finally discovered one, and I was like, this doesn't really make sense. This doesn't seem, on paper and research to be the one that should work. So why did it? So then I went back and got, like, certified as a holistic health coach because I was literally just trying to dig for answers.

Yeah. And through it all, like, people would come to me. They'd be talking to me about either that but themselves or their kids, and, like, health problems. Like, oh, my gosh. Like, you need to look into this. And, you know, have you seen this? Do you know what the links are? And so, literally, it was just like, this natural thing. And finally I was like, you know what? Like, this brings me so much joy. And so many people would tell me as I would help them and give them answers, they'd be like, oh, my gosh, thank you so much.

Like, I really needed to hear that story or the suggestions that you gave me. Like, thank you so much. And so it just almost was, like, this natural progression, and it really just makes me so happy when I'm able to help somebody, you know, over time, it's been much more than just health. You know? Now it's like having hope and learning to live with vibrancy and purpose and, like, older women, like, transitioning from your kids, like, needing you full time to, hey, guess what? Your job as a mom is to make your children be independent adults and teenagers. And so your job is literally to put yourself out of a job, right?

Lisa Virtue:

They don't need anything of motherhood. Yes. That's the goal.

Deborah Bigda:

And yet, when that happens, a lot of times you feel like you've lost your purpose. You're not needed. So you're literally this lost puppy again, walking around like, oh, my gosh, like, what do I do now? And if you're lucky, you'll find something. And if you're not, you're going to start meddling in your kids lives.

Lisa Virtue:

Yes.

Deborah Bigda:

And they're not going to be appreciative of it, and they're going to start to resent you and kind of, like, push you out. And it's literally because you don't know what else to do with yourself and you can't find another purpose. And so you keep trying to do what your previous role was, but really it needs to shift.

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah. This is why a lot of women, that one, especially younger women now, too, where they don't want to give up their career completely when they are a mother because they can see this later down the road, like, well, what am I going to do when my kids are going to be out of the house? So maintaining something throughout motherhood in addition to the actual raising of your child. And it can be very, it can be things that you do as a mother that you shift into. But, yeah, main, those boundaries very clear for your children, I think, is so vital, as we all know, from having moms and or not having a mom. Either way, we learn. Right. What we want and what we don't mother as an adult. It's very different than when you're a child, for sure.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lisa Virtue:

So. And actually, speaking of motherhood, I just, just reminded of the story you had told me before when we first met about your daughter. So you had was your daughter, right. When you had a child during the job loss.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah.

Lisa Virtue:

And so you were criticized for that.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes.

Lisa Virtue:

Then you told me where the silver lining was with.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes. And I can't believe I forgot that because that is something that just literally gives me goosebumps every time.

Lisa Virtue:

Me too. Yeah.

Deborah Bigda:

So this whole, like, almost two year period of my husband, like, searching for a job. And literally, I mean, there were times where people be like, the CMO is like, I got a phone call of referral. We are calling you with an offer tomorrow. And tomorrow would come and there'd be nothing. And people like you do know how to prevent pregnancy, right? Well, so my daughter was born in July of 2009. And September of 2009, my father in law was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, and it was a very, very rapid deterioration. He died, actually, within four months.

Lisa Virtue:

Wow.

Deborah Bigda:

And we never had any inclination that he was sick. We had no idea it came out of the clear blue. And, in fact, Lisa, my husband and I were up in New Jersey at a job interview. It was like the final interview. And I don't even know if I told you this part before, but it was the final interview for a job. And we were driving home from the airport, and I called his mother just to, like, let her know how things went. And she was really off, you know, like something was just off. And I hung up the phone, I looked at my husband, and I was like, I don't know what's up, but something is wrong because your mom is acting really weird.

And then it was a Sunday night, and the next morning, we called, or she called us, I think, and they were at the hospital. She said, we're at the hospital. We got some really bad news. You know, dad's been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. The night before, when I had called her, the uncaugh the doctors had just left her the room, and so they had literally just gotten the news that you have cancer. It was a good, good news, bad news scenario. Good news is, you know, you don't have a heart. You don't have heart issues, because they thought he was having a heart attack when they went in.

Bad news is, you have cancer. The oncologist will be in tomorrow to let you know. So they're sitting there, like, in this fear. When I called, and we had. There were six grandkids at the time between myself or between the two brothers of my father in law. And the thing was, the other kids, as time was going on, grandpa got kind of very scary looking. You know, like, you know what somebody looks like as they get cancer and they get. They're losing their weight, and their skin is turning that really weird grayish color, and their hair is falling out, and their cheeks are getting sunken in, and their eyes are dark and sinking, and.

And when you're a little kid, that's scary.

Lisa Virtue:

Yeah.

Deborah Bigda:

No, you don't really know what's going on, but, you know, grandpa's not playing with you on the floor anymore. Grandpa's not outside throwing the ball with you anymore. Grandpa looks really, really sick. And so we would go over and play there, but my kids would play in the floor. But my daughter, who at the time was literally, like, two months, she would sit on Grandpa's lap, she would giggle, and she would just stare at him with the biggest baby eyes and just laugh. And as the cancer set into his bones and he couldn't hold her anymore because the weight of her body was too much, I would put her on the arm of the recliner, and he would just stroke her leg. And I will never, ever forget the night before he died, I went over to his house and he was completely comatose. Like the last month he was comatose.

It was like every month for four months in a row. It just got severely, progressively worse. He was completely comfortable, and honor was with me. And she made like, a googly sound. And he got his eyes really big, and he opened his eyes and I was like, grandpa, look who came to see you. It's on her. And this huge smile came across his face space. And then he just drifted off again.

And I was like, bawling. And I called my husband because my husband was not prepared to say goodbye to him. Everybody else had said goodbye. Everybody else had said, we love you, but it's okay to go. But my husband could not bring himself to say that. He just couldn't do it. And I called my husband and I was like, you have to get over there and tell your father it's okay to go. I'm like, he cannot hang on any longer.

And so he did. He went over and he spent 2 hours and he came home and he was just bawling, you know, as anybody would expect to be. And the next morning, I went over there bright and early, and he was literally taking his last breath. And I tell people, I'm like, that baby that people asked, you know, didn't you know how to prevent that pregnancy? That baby was literally God's gift to my father in law. And we realized afterwards, too, that every single job my father, my husband had interviewed for, every single one was out of state. Not a single one was in our state. And had he been offered any one of those jobs, he would have had to move. And that entire two year period, he was fishing with his father.

He was coaching baseball with his father for our boys. He was going out to lunch with his father, just talking about the job search. He was spending all of this time with his father. And I'm like, God literally gave us a gift of time. And so don't always judge what seems like a curse, right? As the curse, because it may be that somewhere in there is that gift that you just can't even see and you can't even fathom. How is it that being without a job for two years and, like, literally going through our entire life savings and having to ask for help, how could that possibly be a blessing? It was the biggest gift for my husband, and I would not trade it for the world. I would not turn back the clocks and change it and say, well, jeez, if we could have just gotten a job that, no, not in a million years would I take that back. Yeah.

Lisa Virtue:

What a great perspective. I had a very similar story when my grandma was passing. And at that point, I. I say my intuition was there.

Deborah Bigda:

Right.

Lisa Virtue:

You feel it in your gut, too. There's just something off. And so I had declined a job because it would have taken me around the world, and that was exciting for me at the time. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to travel and I wanted to go. And for some reason, I just kept having these doubts and this intuition and my gut feeling. And when I declined it, then my grandma told me that she had her cancer, came back, and we lost her within a couple months after that, too. And if I had gone, would not have been able to say goodbye.

I would not have had that time with her. So, yeah, I'm right there with you. There's. Listen to it, and, yes, look back and put the, you know, just trust it. Trust. There's a bigger plan.

Deborah Bigda:

There is. And I love that you say, like, that gut feeling, because that summer, right after I had my daughter, I had homeschooled my kids for years. And, in fact, the thought of public school, like, would just. I'd be like, eh, no way. Like, it's never going to happen. And after I had her, there was just something in me I could not even think about. Homeschooling. Every time I think of homeschooling, like, oh, my stomach would get upset and my heart would race and my hands.

Lisa Virtue:

Would get, what, a change for you.

Deborah Bigda:

Yeah. You know, and. And then I would think about public school, and I would be like, okay, I can breathe through that. Like, I don't really love the idea, but I can breathe through it. And so I tell people, like, we ultimately decided to put our two oldest boys in public school that year in August before we knew anything about my father in law.

Lisa Virtue:

Wow.

Deborah Bigda:

We put my two oldest boys into public school, and then we enrolled my third son into, like, a little preschool program. And I could not fathom why I was doing this. There was just something in my gut that just told me this is what we needed to do for the year. And I tell people I was at my father in law's house every day for four months, and had my kids been at home, we would have had to repeat the school year.

Lisa Virtue:

Right? Yeah.

Deborah Bigda:

And so listening to that, that feeling, like, just that inner knowing, your intuition, you need to listen to that, because many times when that is happening. There is a reason for it, and you don't know right away, but you just gotta trust it, even if it doesn't make sense.

Lisa Virtue:

Right? You will always know later.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes, very true.

Lisa Virtue:

Absolutely. Well, Deborah, thank you so much for sharing your story. Your vulnerability, powerful. Makes me want to cry every time I hear it. And there's so much power to that because people are not alone. They're not going through this journey alone. Find your community. Find someone like Deborah.

Find me. If you need help with the job search, there's also coaches out there that can help if you need to step away from family and friends that want the best for you. But it's just too much bias or emotion going on, or maybe they're stepping in and helping and they don't have the time to carry that space for you. So that's why we do the work we do, isn't it?

Deborah Bigda:

Yes. Yes.

Lisa Virtue:

So how can people get ahold of you, Deborah?

Deborah Bigda:

Oh, well, thank you for asking. So I'm on Facebook and Instagram, so they can follow me. It's just Deborah Bigda, and follow me there. They can also look at my website, deborah bigda.com. And I'd love to just, you know, connect with people, support them, ask their questions. And I love the fact that you like, like, I'm not a career coach, right. And so I tell people all the time, like, there's lots of different coaches out there, and everybody is able to help and surround yourself by those people, and everybody needs a coach. Even as coaches, we have coaches, right? Coaches, yes.

Lisa Virtue:

I use coaches all the time. Yes.

Deborah Bigda:

My coach, my business coach is always like, you know, make sure that whoever's coaching you has a coach, because we all need that. So whatever they're in, you know. Yes. Get the help. And, you know, whether it's you, it's me. However we can help people, it's just come together and, you know, find the support that you need.

Lisa Virtue:

Yes. Absolutely. Love it. Well, thank you again. And your kids are now teenagers, is that right?

Deborah Bigda:

Teenagers slash young adults. My oldest will be 25.

Lisa Virtue:

Wow. The.

Deborah Bigda:

The one who was, like, the itty bitty. My youngest boy is actually 18 today. He's an April fool baby.

Lisa Virtue:

Oh, how fun. Happy birthday to him.

Deborah Bigda:

And then my daughter is 14.

Lisa Virtue:

Oh, my gosh. It's been a blessing.

Deborah Bigda:

Yes.

Lisa Virtue:

And you got your daughter, too.

Deborah Bigda:

Oh, my goodness. Yes. She is definitely the daddy's girl. Yeah.

Lisa Virtue:

I bet they got to bond a lot when she was born, too. Oh, that's amazing.

Deborah Bigda:

Absolutely.

Lisa Virtue:

Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and go have fun on that birthday.

Deborah Bigda:

Thank you.

Lisa Virtue:

All right.